


Past Lives

by valentinevinyl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Minor Injuries, Near Death Experiences, Reincarnation, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-27 00:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20751200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valentinevinyl/pseuds/valentinevinyl
Summary: You have always had a strange feeling this wasn't your first time around.





	Past Lives

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the song 'Past Lives', by Børns.

You have always been sure this is not your first time around. Might sound insane, I know, but in a certain way you’ve just always had a feeling.

Ever since you were a teenager and had your first vision of one of your past lives, you understood, in one way or another that your soul was older than your body. Memories are triggered by extremely intense emotions. You had your first one when you got into this life. You were just a fourteen year old and your mom had been killed by demons. Your emotions were extreme and you were more scared than ever. That’s when John Winchester took you in and coincidently also when you had the first of your visions. You still remember falling to your knees and wincing over in pain due to the terrible ache in your head, the loud, almost deafening noise in your ears and the memories that flooded you right after. And of course, how could you forget the bliss and the wonderful feeling you got once the first symptoms were over? How heavenly it all felt?

Memories like the one of a windmill in wheat field, a little old house near a creek and an old wooden bridge are some of the memories you carry. Amongst them, you also had memories of a man, a lover, who was always with you over the centuries and through all of your lives. All of your lives but this one. In this life, you were alone. You hadn’t found him, not yet. And that killed you. It killed you because you didn’t even know where to start. You didn’t even remember his name or his face. All the memories you had of him were of hugs, kisses and such, but never of his face. And his eyes. Oh, God, his eyes. His eyes were the thing you remembered about him the most. That and the indescribable feeling you got whenever you looked deep into his apple green eyes.

You had lived a billion lives, but none of them was like this one. This life, it isn’t easy. It is just constantly shifting between crappy motel rooms and the roads whilst ganking monsters in between. That’s the routine. It brings no joy or space for love or living an apple pie life either. Sometimes that thought made you glad to remember you never found that man you spent so many lives with. Because it would only break your heart not to be with him. It’s no luxury, but it’s good enough for you.

Now you are in a different town, different monster, but the same shit as always. Sometimes, in the lonely and quiet moments when you are driving alone in your car to the next town, a certain question pops in your head, a frequent one, and you wonder where your turning your lover is.

Suddenly, a loud ringing noise sounded through your car, turning your attention from the road ahead of you to the phone resting on the passenger seat.

A familiar name was shining on the screen.

Dean

You, Sam and Dean had just finished a hunt and were heading to the next town. This time the witch you guys were hunting down managed to somehow get to hurt you. You had a few bruises and scratches, a few deep cuts too, but nothing that couldn’t be patched up. But that wasn’t really the problem. At some point of the fight she almost killed you, and that almost killed Dean. The next day he was still worried and didn’t want to leave you alone not even for a second. You got to convince him to let you leave the town on your own by promising him and Sam you would meet them in the next town. Now he had probably arrived before you at the motel and was calling to check up on you.

Your thumb swiped across the screen and you set it to speaker mode. Soon enough, the car was filled with the sound of the hunter’s voice.

“Where are you?” He asked as his voice rose an octave. You were halfway there and the man was already freaking out.

“On the road, Dean. Where else?” You replied calmly.

“Well, I don’t know. You could be dead by now!” He said, being his dramatic self.

“Don’t be so dramatic. Where are you?”

“In the motel with Sam, where you were supposed to be as well!” He almost exclaimed, making a sigh leave your lungs.

“Just chill, okay? I’ll be there in about four hours.”

“Two hours?! Y/N, do you have any idea how long ago we got here?” He said through gritted teeth.

“No, Dean.” You said in a mocking tone. “How long have you been there?”

“Four hours, Y/N. Four hours.”

“Fine. Just chill, okay? I’ll be there as fast as possible.”

“Fine.” He said and sighed so loudly you could hear it from your seat.

_____

The cold wind of the night hit your body and made you quiver under your jacket as you stood in front of the motel room door. You had knocked twice already and was still waiting for someone to answer the door. It was 2am, but you knew Sam and Dean never slept early. Their minds and personal demons would never let them do so, and you understood that, because the same happened to you every night. It was impossible to go to bed and have a good and peaceful night of sleep when your past decided to come barging in your head at 3am.

The lock made a click and you stepped back. Dean opened the door and greeted you with a not so friendly expression.

He placed both of his hands on your shoulders and checked you up from head to toe to see if you were hurt. Once he made sure there wasn’t a single scratch on you –not any new ones, at least-, he pulled you into a tight hug.

“Hi to you too.” You said, laughing.

“It just took you so long that I’m glad you’re okay.” He said, his words being muffled by your hair.

“I’m here now.”

You heard a loud cough coming from the doorway as it closed. You turned to see Sam standing there with plastic bags in hands and you already knew what that meant: food. After hours on end on the road, you could kill to eat a little.

You and Dean broke apart, both of you blushing slightly and you ran to Sam.

“Glad you’re okay.” Sam whispered as he hugged you tightly.

“What are we hunting?” You said as you approached the table seeing the papers Sam had already set there, near his computer. 

Sam and Dean exchanged a look and your brows drew together. You were confused for a moment, until you realized what it meant.

“What?” You asked, knowing damn well what it was.

Sam gave Dean a nod and awkwardly grabbed his coat and the Impala’s keys and left the room, leaving you and Dean alone. A few moments later you heard the sound of the Impala’s wheels rolling as Sam drove away.

“I think it’s better if you don’t go on this hunt, Y/N.” Dean said in a stern tone as he straightened up and started packing his duffel bag for the next day.

“I don’t care what you think. I’m going.”

“No, you’re not, sweetheart. That’s not how it goes and you know it.” He kept packing them, unbothered by you or your protest.

“Fuck you, Winchester, you’re not leaving me out of this one.” You said as you crossed your arms in front of your chest. “I’ve been a hunter for since I was 14, I can handle myself.”

“Sorry, but after what happened two days ago I’m not letting you hunt so soon.” He said, turning to face you.

“I’m fine, Dean. It’s just a few stitches.” You said, trying your best not to blow up.

“You’re not going. Period.” Dean said as he turned to his bad and tossed a few more weapons inside. “Now eat your dinner so we can all sleep, okay?”

“Fine.” You said, sighing as you started to roam through the bags Sam had brought. “Can I at least help with the research?”

“Sure.” Dean said, shrugging and cracking open a beer bottle. 

_____

Twenty minutes after your argument with Dean Sam was back.

Sam stepped inside the room, examining yours and Dean’s faces for any signs of possible murderous behavior and closed the door carefully. 

Dean shot a Sam a look and they went to a corner of the room. They were whispering, but you could hear them from the wall you stood behind.

“I don’t want her out there, Sam.” Dean hissed.

“Why not, Dean? She is a well trained hunter and she can take care of herself.” Sam tried to reason, but his brother would never listen.

“Because I’m not so sure she can take care of herself after what happened with that witch.”

“I’m sure everything will be fine, Dean.” Sam whispered.

“It’s not. I have a bad feeling. She is not coming with us.”

You tiptoed your way back to the table and sat there quietly so they wouldn’t hear you and kept doing your research. Sam seemed bothered by the situation, maybe more than you. Sam brushed his teeth and changed into his flannel pajama pants and a grey t-shirt. Dean did the same after shoving his bag under his bed. You sat in front of the computer and waited until their breaths were at a steady pace.

Once you were sure both of them were asleep you grabbed the Impala’s keys and git dressed, careful not to wake either of them on your way out.

You got the werewolves’ location from Sam’s stuff and you were at the abandoned warehouse they were hiding in before sunrise. Still sitting inside the car, you gripped wheel tight as you contemplated whether you should really be doing this or not Looking to your side, you glanced at your gun, sitting beside you.

Leaving the car, you grabbed your gun and checked the perimeter a few times. You counted ten werewolves from outside before you could come in. It was a pack of purebloods and your ego made you be sure that you could take them all out by yourself in no time.

You busted in blazing guns and quickly took out four of them. But suddenly, one that you had missed in your counting, a recently turned werewolf, came lurking from the shadows and swiped you off of your feet, running to call the others. 

It was easy to see you were outnumbered. Gaining back your air and getting back on your feet, you managed to take out three more of them before one of them knocked you on your back, making a painful grunt leave your lips. you couldn’t make out their features in the darkness and their weight over your chest was keeping you pinned to the ground as you closed your eyes, refusing to accept that their ferocious eyes would be your last memory from this life.

They seemed to be having fun in that moment, torturing you with expectation as they planned to kill you slowly.

When you felt a claw trace over the skin of your chest and a hot breath on your neck, the sounds of guns being fired near alternated with loud thuds and grunts filled your ears. You opened your eyes and saw a pair of legs standing beside you. A gun was fired above your head and all of the werewolf’s weight was over you. Strong hands pulled the creature off of you and apple green eyes met yours.

It was Dean. He came for you. He and Sam did. They always do.

Dean offered you a hand, which you happily took, relieved to see him again. He frantically glanced at you from head to toe, making a disappointed face at the new bruises and cuts you had gotten. Once he was done, he wrapped his arms around you and pressed your body against his. Sam was dragging bodies around as you and Dean hugged the fear away. The shock and the fear of dying in such way were so big that your arms were loose around Dean’s torso as you cried on his chest. 

Sam stood by both of you and placed a hand on your back.

“You and Dean should get going. I’ll finish up here and meet you guys at the motel.” He said in a comforting tone.

Dean took you to the Impala and you handed him the keys. As soon as you entered the car, he changed from calm and composed to to the angriest you had ever seen him. And that was, you knew him since you were fourteen.

You didn’t dare to say a single word towards Dean the whole drive. You just watched the sun rise from the backseat in silence the whole way back as Dean gripped the wheel with white knuckles and clenched his jaw.

When you stepped in the room Dean slammed the door shut. He sat you down on a chair and grabbed the first aid kit. You had a big cut on the back of your left arm and a few scratches.

He cleaned the cut and the scratches, placed ice nags and patched you up where you needed it. You didn’t dare to say a word. You knew Dean and you wouldn’t play with fire.

When Dean was done, he stood up, took a few steps away from you and looked you straight in the eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He asked in such a quiet voice the contrast it made with the furious facade he had going on made you quiver.

Your mouth opened and closed a few times as you looked for the words, but you just couldn’t find a reply. So you just stayed silent.

“I told you you shouldn’t go so you just sneaked out while i was asleep? What are you, fifteen?!” Dean exclaimed, his face contorted in an expression of anger and pain you had never seen displayed on the hunter’s face before.

“I’m sorry, Dean.” You managed to say as you choked on the lump forming in your throat.

“Do you think that fixes anything? Do you think it heals the bruises on you? Do you think it changes the fact you almost died?” He yelled, making you shed the tears you had been holding back. He had never yelled at you like that before.

“I could’ve lost you, Y/N.”

“Why do you even care so much?” You stood up, suddenly feeling like you needed to confront him. Your tears were no longer of pain. You were shedding tears of anger and they burned like fire as they ran down your face.

Dean took in a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. You watched him from the spot where you stood, feet apart.

“Because I love you.” He said, feeling the weight off his shoulders after years. “And I could never bare to lose you.” Dean confessed, making a contrast with the posture he had just minutes before.

You stood there, looking at Dean as you were speechless. Tears formed in his eyes, as well as yours and you didn’t know if you should be happy that the man you have been loving since your teens loved you back or having a breakdown.

Suddenly, you fell to your knees and a deafening noise flooded your ears. You covered them, but it was useless, the noise was too loud and it seemed to be coming from the inside of your head. You shut your eyes and cried in pain as you bended over on the floor and Dean immediately jumped to your side. Of course, he knew what was happening, but understand, this is the kind of thing that no matter how many times it happens, you just can never be prepared for it or deal with it.

Dean lifted you and placed you on the bed and watched in worry as you brought a hand to your head, trying to make the pain stop. Suddenly, your eyes opened and you weren’t in pain anymore. Now everything felt like paradise. You felt every emotion at once and every color flashed through your eyes. You fell back and many memories invaded your head simultaneously, all of them being of the same man. And apple green eyed man whose face was finally being revealed to you.

As you gained back your stability, you sat up with Dean’s help as he held your hand. 

“What did you remember?” He asked you, eyes wide and voice soft.

“You.” You whispered, your voice weak from the experience you just had.

Dean sat next to you and looked at you with confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“Remember when I told you about that man I used to love in all of my lives?”

“Yes.” Dean answered, his voice cracking.

“I remembered him. And it’s you.” You said, your eyes filling with tears.

Dean smiled, never letting go of your hand.

“Why didn’t I remember you first?” He asked, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand.

“I don’t know. But I’m glad I remembered you.” You said, shaking your head lightly. “I just wish that memory had waited a little.”

“Why?” The hunter asked, hopeful.

“Because I just wanted to say that I love you too.” You said, inching forward.

“Good. Because then I can finally do this.” Dean said as he closed the small gap between both you, pressing his lips to yours softly.


End file.
